Journal Entry (10/21/2019)

The endnote is that you've officially grown up, overcame your fears however, this does not mean that it is a testament to how strong you are but rather how vulnerable and weak you are as it pertains to the location of your own environment. No matter how hard you fight fire, fire is going to catch up and potentially consume. Try to always live life to the fullest while you are distant from it and while keeping in mind that their are indeed, places that exist here that will want you toast regardless of how much is fought against the pressure or regardless when in times the flames are invisible. A box full of black-and-white speculations that has you labelled "ill" and "depressed" when really, this weight of outwardly pressure is too much for even the professional with phd to comprehend or get rid of. That textbook solutions of serotonin or to "get help" is not enough. That a myriad of these ways will not cure; only alter. That their is no one straightforward answer how one is pressured to the edge, when only using small fractions of our brains in rationalizing the edge. We have to constantly be sensitive to others in order to be aware of the edge. Emphasize to a greater degree when practicing kindness amounts to a form of help that is altruistic... Tail-end arts and culture altruism that is most vivid. Altruism that has one---who, is as smart and capable as you, not only enjoy what the generosity of your giving provides, but instead feels that rawness of your giving was in some ways helping the fight against their very own raw, unexplainable fear. That their sense of hope is somewhat renewed even when the small gifts they recieve do not solve but rather provide hope in terms of a guesswork. Your altruistic kindness doesnt materialize answers; rather, it is action to purely help without any desire for a return or physical answer. To boldly imply through this form of help that surrounding flames get closer and closer to everyone here.... Increasingly felt. Never ending and yet, continually fought against as it moves nearer to us. Hour after hour. Day after day. This is the world.